I know I haven' written anything here for ages, so I thought I'd write a comment on the situation in the middle east.
First of, I don't think too many people know the history behind the conflict, so I'll try to explain. Here's a brief explanation of the recent history:
The Israeli were on the run from an antisemitic europe, especially the nazi holocaust. They were encouraged to seek refuge in historic Palestine, at the time a british colony. The UN offered the Israeli people the better part of historic Palestine to build a new state called Israel. For the indegionus Palestinians, the uprooting of their country to make room for a new people were a destruction of life. They rejected the UN's partition plan and several Arab states invaded the new state of Israel. Israel effectively demolished over 400 Palestine villages. In 1949 they were at the end of their fight and new armistice lines were drawn up, and Israel now owned 78% of what was once historic Palestine. Only the West Bank and the Gaza Strip remained. Of the Palestinians who were expelled form their settlements during the fighting, many sought refuge in new Jewish villages, but were denied access and had to build tent camps and similar refuge camps on their own. They because second class citisens of the new state alongside the new Jewish majority.
Today, these refugees and their relatives live mostly in the West Bank, the Gaza Strip, Jordan and Lebanon. Many of them are still living in refugee camps, seeking to return to their home land.
To sum up, one group of refugees found a much needed home, but it the process, a new group of refugees was created.
Now, here's another thing to understand: Israel was created as a jewish state, but ask yourself what that means. People have had a lot of ideas about what a Jewish state should look like. Some called for equality for all citisens, but what was created in practice, was institutional discrimination against non-Jews. In other words, Israel ended up being built on a blue print of exclution. The Israelian government wants the maximum of land and resources for Jews, but not for the Palestinians living there. That's why, inside Israel, Jews get special priveleges, including the right to own land and housing, which is denied for the Palestinian citisens who make up 20% of Israels population. That's also part of why Israel never defined it's borders. In fact, Israel still holds on to land that were concuered during the war, the West Bank and Gaza, building "temporary military settlements". However, the settlements have existed on occupied Palestinian land for over 40 years, and Israel has even equipped it with infrastructure cut off from the Palestinian settlements, there are Israeli schools and even a college, so it doesn't look that temporary..
On the West Bank, Israeli and Palestinians live on the same land but under completely different circumstances. While the israeli have all the resources they need, such as water and agriculture, the Palestinians has next to nothing. To keep the unjust situation in their favour, the Israeli army has punished resistance with raids, arrests and assassinations, all to gain maximum land while making life so difficult for Palestinians that they will either leave or be too frightened to speak up.
Palestinians have fought back. For decades they have tried to achieve national liberation through armed struggle. Some groups still do. The majority today, however, demonstrate their disapproving of Israeli occupation through popular protest instead.
The deeply harmful pattern of control, repression and violence has harmed both Palestinians living under occupations as well as Israelis living as occupants. This must be broken to assure a safe and peaceful future for both people.
Now, what about the solution to the problem? What about peace talks?
So far, over two decades of the US meddling in peace talks has actually made things worse. There has been years of talking and nothing has happened. In fact, Israel has continued its occupation of Palestine, ridding the West Bank and Gaza of Palestine people to make room for Jewish settlers. The US has also funded the Israeli army, making them better equipped to take over Palestine settlements, and of course thereby not helping what so ever, but probably making a lot of money. The israeli army is acrually the biggest recipiant of US foren aid in the world!
So, what has to be done? Real peace talks. Israel needs to listen to reason and Israel and Palestine needs to come to a joined solution where both people gets the amount of land that is fair and the fighting has got to stop. Nobody can go behind the curtain, making money of the conflict, like the US has done, because that will only make things even worse than they are now. Someone who genuinely wants to end the conflict needs to speak up, step up and help Israel and Palestine come to a solution, or the fight will go on for ever.
Aight, that's basically what I have to say about that! Hopefully, the conflict will come to an end at some point, let's just hope it doesn't end because Israel and Palestine has exterminated each other.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Sunday, 13 July 2014
Monday, 26 May 2014
It's been a weird day.
This morning I found out that one of the guys I went to school with a few years ago, past away in a gruesome car accident last night. He was 19 years old, just a couple of months younger than me! It's strange, how fast things can change, how fleeting life is. I know that sounds like a total clichè, but it's so true!
Håvard was one of the "cool guys" in my class, in my opinion at the time. Now, of course, I know that they were weird and a bit stupid, the lot of them, but at the time, I was dead scared of what any one of them thought of me. However, when I met him after graduating secondary school, he was a changed man. Or maybe I was a changed girl, I don't actually know. Anyway, he was sweet and caring and nice and I feel so bad for not getting to know him better when I had the chance.
One of the last times I saw him, was on new years eve, about five months ago. He, a friend who also went to our class, and Håvard's girlfriend were out drinking and he called me, asking if I could drive them home, because I put on my facebook that I was driving that night. I picked them up and on our way to his girlfriends house, we talked a lot. We talked about what we were doing for our educations, about the good old days, about everything, really. When he got out of the car, he gave me 15 pounds (not worth as much in Norway as in England) and said "if this isn't enough, message me, and I'll transfer some more tomorrow." I never did ask for more, but I thought it was really sweet of him to offer.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is that, even though I didn't have too much to do with him since we left secondary school, it still hurts that he's gone. I suppose you don't really have to spend much time with someone to care about them. Even though I haven't talked to him in five months and probably even longer before that, I feel so bad for him because he will never experience being a husband or a father, he will never know what it's like to grow old, to have grandchildren and to do all those things throughout your life that everyone wants to do at some point. I feel bad for his parents and siblings who has to deal with the pain and sorrow of loosing someone who's so close to them.
I wish you hadn't left us, Håvard, and I say "us" because even though you and I didn't talk much in the end, I still cared and it still hurts that you're gone. You touched on a lot of lives and everyone who knew you, cared for you, and that will be obvious at your funeral. The church will be completely full, because you were truly a wonderful guy and we will all miss you so much.
Rest in peace, heaven has gained an angel.
Håvard was one of the "cool guys" in my class, in my opinion at the time. Now, of course, I know that they were weird and a bit stupid, the lot of them, but at the time, I was dead scared of what any one of them thought of me. However, when I met him after graduating secondary school, he was a changed man. Or maybe I was a changed girl, I don't actually know. Anyway, he was sweet and caring and nice and I feel so bad for not getting to know him better when I had the chance.
One of the last times I saw him, was on new years eve, about five months ago. He, a friend who also went to our class, and Håvard's girlfriend were out drinking and he called me, asking if I could drive them home, because I put on my facebook that I was driving that night. I picked them up and on our way to his girlfriends house, we talked a lot. We talked about what we were doing for our educations, about the good old days, about everything, really. When he got out of the car, he gave me 15 pounds (not worth as much in Norway as in England) and said "if this isn't enough, message me, and I'll transfer some more tomorrow." I never did ask for more, but I thought it was really sweet of him to offer.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is that, even though I didn't have too much to do with him since we left secondary school, it still hurts that he's gone. I suppose you don't really have to spend much time with someone to care about them. Even though I haven't talked to him in five months and probably even longer before that, I feel so bad for him because he will never experience being a husband or a father, he will never know what it's like to grow old, to have grandchildren and to do all those things throughout your life that everyone wants to do at some point. I feel bad for his parents and siblings who has to deal with the pain and sorrow of loosing someone who's so close to them.
I wish you hadn't left us, Håvard, and I say "us" because even though you and I didn't talk much in the end, I still cared and it still hurts that you're gone. You touched on a lot of lives and everyone who knew you, cared for you, and that will be obvious at your funeral. The church will be completely full, because you were truly a wonderful guy and we will all miss you so much.
Rest in peace, heaven has gained an angel.
Monday, 19 May 2014
Exam day!
Hola chicas y chicos!
It's exam day! I've never ever been this excited for an exam, it's going to be brilliant because I actually know this stuff! We've had the questions for a week now and I can already tell that I'm going to kill this exam.
The first question is "Different communities and identity groups share a varied relationship to the criminal justice system. Discuss this assertion in relation to either gender or race, outlining and evaluating the central issues in relation to crime and criminal justice."
In this question, I plan to focus on gender and write about women in the Criminal Justice system. Women are largely underrepresentated in comparison to men. Less than 1 in 5 people arrested are female and only 5% of prison inmantes are women! Another thing I'm planning to concentrate on is the fact that there is a notion of "double deviance" with women offenders. Women are seen as the care takers of society, who should preferrably be in caring professions like teachers, nurses, midwifes and so on (for my thoughts on this subject, see the last entry, called "I'm a feminist because") and for this reason, when women offend, the general reaction is that we abuse our caring position in society to con and trick people. One of the examples I'm going to refer to is the mothers of Ian Watkins victims. Ian Watkins was the vocalist in the Welsh etal/alternative rock band Lotprophets. He was arrested last year on suspicion of sexual abuse of multiple children. How did Watkins get to these children? In any cases, their mothers offered them to him to have his way with in exchange for sexual favors. In other words, in order to get some attention from this famous rock star, they gave up their children to be sexually mutilated. Horrific? Yes.
The second exam question is "The process of ‘otherisation’ is central to ‘hate crime’; using empirical examples discuss your understanding of these concepts?"
In this question I am going to start off by explaining what 'otherisation' and 'hate crime' is. My definition will be something to this effect: Otherisation is putting others below yourself, seeing a group of fellow human beings as less worthy than yourself because of some common trait they share, such as ethnic origin, skil colour, sexual orientation and the like. Otherisation is the notion of the 'others', it's fear of the unknown. Otherisation drives a wedge between communities that does not allow the members of each group to communicate and leaves the people of the strongest or biggest group to hate the smaller one, the minority in the situation. This can cause hate crimes that has in many cases, caused the death of a minority member. Hate crime is going so far in the otherisation process that you not only express your feeling of loathing and hatred verbally to members of the group, but your feelings drive you to inflict harm upon members of this group that you see as less worthy than yourself without any provocation apart from the fact that they are a member of the group you despise.
The empirical example I'm going to use is the case of Stephen Lawrence, the 19 year old black man who were killed in a vicious attack while waiting for the bus on the evening of 22nd april 1993. Five men were arrested at the time, but they were all released. It wasn't until 2012 that two people were convicted of the murder. The report made by Sir William Macpherson following the murder of Lawrence investigated the Metropolitan Police Service and concluded that the police force was institutionally racist, and therefore not making too big an effort to solve the case of Lawrence's death.
I think I've covered the questions quite good, it is a hand written exam and we only have two hours, so I'll have to cram it all into the space and time we're given, but I think I'll get a pretty good mark on this one. I'm really glad we get the questions ahead of the exam. It means, of course, that the marking will be more strict and that getting a really good mark will be more difficult, but it makes me a hell of a lot less nervous because I know what's ahead. Seeing as the modules I've had exams for are the ones I understand the most, I've really been lucky this year.
So, wish me luck!
It's exam day! I've never ever been this excited for an exam, it's going to be brilliant because I actually know this stuff! We've had the questions for a week now and I can already tell that I'm going to kill this exam.
The first question is "Different communities and identity groups share a varied relationship to the criminal justice system. Discuss this assertion in relation to either gender or race, outlining and evaluating the central issues in relation to crime and criminal justice."
In this question, I plan to focus on gender and write about women in the Criminal Justice system. Women are largely underrepresentated in comparison to men. Less than 1 in 5 people arrested are female and only 5% of prison inmantes are women! Another thing I'm planning to concentrate on is the fact that there is a notion of "double deviance" with women offenders. Women are seen as the care takers of society, who should preferrably be in caring professions like teachers, nurses, midwifes and so on (for my thoughts on this subject, see the last entry, called "I'm a feminist because") and for this reason, when women offend, the general reaction is that we abuse our caring position in society to con and trick people. One of the examples I'm going to refer to is the mothers of Ian Watkins victims. Ian Watkins was the vocalist in the Welsh etal/alternative rock band Lotprophets. He was arrested last year on suspicion of sexual abuse of multiple children. How did Watkins get to these children? In any cases, their mothers offered them to him to have his way with in exchange for sexual favors. In other words, in order to get some attention from this famous rock star, they gave up their children to be sexually mutilated. Horrific? Yes.
The second exam question is "The process of ‘otherisation’ is central to ‘hate crime’; using empirical examples discuss your understanding of these concepts?"
In this question I am going to start off by explaining what 'otherisation' and 'hate crime' is. My definition will be something to this effect: Otherisation is putting others below yourself, seeing a group of fellow human beings as less worthy than yourself because of some common trait they share, such as ethnic origin, skil colour, sexual orientation and the like. Otherisation is the notion of the 'others', it's fear of the unknown. Otherisation drives a wedge between communities that does not allow the members of each group to communicate and leaves the people of the strongest or biggest group to hate the smaller one, the minority in the situation. This can cause hate crimes that has in many cases, caused the death of a minority member. Hate crime is going so far in the otherisation process that you not only express your feeling of loathing and hatred verbally to members of the group, but your feelings drive you to inflict harm upon members of this group that you see as less worthy than yourself without any provocation apart from the fact that they are a member of the group you despise.
The empirical example I'm going to use is the case of Stephen Lawrence, the 19 year old black man who were killed in a vicious attack while waiting for the bus on the evening of 22nd april 1993. Five men were arrested at the time, but they were all released. It wasn't until 2012 that two people were convicted of the murder. The report made by Sir William Macpherson following the murder of Lawrence investigated the Metropolitan Police Service and concluded that the police force was institutionally racist, and therefore not making too big an effort to solve the case of Lawrence's death.
I think I've covered the questions quite good, it is a hand written exam and we only have two hours, so I'll have to cram it all into the space and time we're given, but I think I'll get a pretty good mark on this one. I'm really glad we get the questions ahead of the exam. It means, of course, that the marking will be more strict and that getting a really good mark will be more difficult, but it makes me a hell of a lot less nervous because I know what's ahead. Seeing as the modules I've had exams for are the ones I understand the most, I've really been lucky this year.
So, wish me luck!
Sunday, 11 May 2014
I'm a feminist because...
I never gave feminism much thought until I came to university. Before I moved away from my tiny little Norwegian village of 650 people, I didn't realise how bad it actually is. This is some of the reasons why I'm a feminist. The statistics are found on the internet, of course, and I did get inspiration for this list on the internet as well, but I stand by the things on this list and these are my opinions still.
So here they are, 35 reasons to be a feminist!
- I'm a feminist because girls are taught in public schools that when she has sex for the first time, she'll "loose a part of her self."
- I'm a feminist because girls are told that the first time they have sex will be very painful and there could be blood involved. (Utter bullshit, by the way)
- I'm a feminist because women who has a lot of sex are sluts, while guys are studs.
- I'm a feminist because when a woman turns 60 years old, she will have earned $450.000 less than a 60 year old man in the exact same position.
- I'm a feminist because of cat calling and street harassment, and no, it's not a bloody compliment!
- I'm a feminist because boobs are used to sell everything from burgers to soap, but don't you dare breast feed in public!
- I'm a feminist because of how much pressure we put on girls to value their appearance above everything else.
- I'm a feminist because 1 in 4 young women are sexually assaulted and society still asks "what was she wearing?"
- I'm a feminist because male victims of rape are rarely believed when reporting the crime because "guys want to have sex all the time anyway, right?"
- I'm a feminist because in Saudi Arabia, women still can't vote or drive.
- I'm a feminist because half the girls in Yemen will become child brides.
- I'm a feminist because 65% of Brasilians believe that if a woman is wearing revealing clothes, she deserves to get raped.
- I'm a feminist because a woman is raped every 14 seconds in South Africa.
- I'm a feminist because every day, in every corner of the world, womens bodies are used as battle grounds in wars started by men.
- I'm a feminist because of Amanda Todd, Alicia Garcia, Cherize Morales and the sexism that drew them to end their own lives.
- I'm a feminist because in the US in 2013, the political body making desicions over everyone elses bodies were over 80% male.
- I'm a feminist because women don't get to decide over their own bodies. In the US, 77% of anti-abortion leaders are men. 100% of those will never be pregnant.
- I'm a feminist because men occupy the top runs of not just politics, but every industry in the world!
- I'm a feminist because women only hold 1 in 4 stem jobs. We own 6% of TV stations and 5% of executive positions in the media are held by a woman.
- I'm a feminist because people still say that asexuals, bisexuals and transgender people don't exist.
- I'm a feminist because in 34 states in the US, it's LEGAL to discriminate against someone who's transgender.
- I'm a feminist because the idea of same sex marriage shouldn't be so hard to graps as it obviously are to a lot of people.
- I'm a feminist because women are constantly sexualised and objectified while men get credit for their skills and professions.
- I'm a feminist because there are parts of this world where women are the ones who gets punished after being sexually assaulted.
- I'm a feminist because there are people who actually think it's not rape if the other person is sleeping.
- I'm a feminist because we live in a society that teaches women to be careful so they don't get raped instead of teaching men not to rape.
- I'm a feminist because the notion that men rape because they are pigs that can't control their urges is utterly disgusting.
- I'm a feminist because approximately 3 million girls are victims of female genital mutilation each year.
- I'm a feminist because there are approximately 2 million victims of sex trafficking each year. 85% of these are women.
- I'm a feminist because in 31 states in the US, if a woman gets pregnant as a result of rape and decides to keep the child, her rapist can sue for custody and visitation rights.
- I'm a feminist because women who report sexual harassment in the work place are seen as prudes and career experts advise women not to report it.
- I'm a feminist because when I walk home from the library alone at night, I hold my keys so that they stick out between my fingers because I'm scared of being assaulted.
- I'm a feminist because I want women like me being represented in movies and films - and not have them regulated as the fat, stupid friend that all the thin girls hang out with because they feel sorry for her.
- I'm a feminist because most films fail the Bechdel test, where the only requirements are for two named female characters to talk to each other about something besides sex and
relationships, if only once.
- I'm a feminist because when Austria won Eurovision this year, there were so unbelieveably many comments on facebook and tweets on twitter about how it's disgusting that Eurovision even let a drag performance on stage. I think the performance and the fact that it won is a massively positive message to send to the thousands and thousands of transgender people who suffer from discrimination and bullying on a regular basis.
- I'm a feminist because I believe in gender equality and I know we're not there yet.
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment and tell me why!
Friday, 25 April 2014
Sleep rape VS assault rape
In the last few days, we've had a discussion going on in the media in Norway about systematicly grading the seriousness of rape cases. As far as I've understood, without having read all the articles about it, but a fair few still, there's been a thought that there should be a grading system in place so that we can label the seriousness of any rape case. Also, again as I've understood, it's been said or hinted about how sleep rape isn't as serious as assault rape, and that's what I'm focusing on right now. These are my thoughts on the matter.
Apparently, sleep rape isn't as serious as assault rape because the victim is likely to have flirted with the perpetrator earlier in the evening. Sleep rapes are usually carried out by someone that knows the victim or that has gone to bed with the victim following a party. Does that make sleep rape okay? If you are woken up by your one night stand shoving his reproductive organ into you using nothing but force, are you supposed to accept it because you flirted with him earlier in the night? Because you slept with him before falling asleep? What if the offender is your boyfriend or husband, is it okay for them to rape you in your sleep because you love them, trust them, because you have a close relationship with them? NO.
Assault rape is what we recognise as being attacked by a stranger and dragged off into a bush. This is clearly serious cases and also the cases where the perpetrator are most likely to not even be found as a suspect because they are usually not known by the victim. Is it okay? No, and I think we all agree on that.
Now, what's more serious? Sleep rape or assault rape? My opinion is that the two can't be compared. In the case of a sleep rape, the victim can find themselves unable to trust other people afterwards because the assailant was someone they loved and trusted, impairing the victim of the ability to findsomeone they can trust and open up to in the same way again. If the perpetrator was a one night stand, trust issues towards unknown people still applies. In the case of an assault rape, the victim could find themselves frightened to leave the house at night if at all. The chance of physical injury might also be greater as the perpetrator has no relationship to the victim and could be less likely to care if they live or die.
By the way, would you say that being raped while asleep is not assault? Because I certainly would. It's forced intercourse, no matter how you look at it and it's assault either way.
What I'm trying to say is that there's no way to say which is more serious. The seriousness of the offence has to be seen from the victims eyes, The seriousness of the assault comes down to the greatness of the physical and psycological trauma to the victim, not the type of situation in which it was sustained. The seriousness of rape cases can not be labeled from the type of situation, because not everyone handles trauma in the same way. Some handle trauma well and are able to go back to their normal lives faster than others. Each rape case is unique and has to be seen as unique. There can't be any short cuts in dealing with rape cases.
To be perfectly honest, I can't wait to be done with my education so I can deal with these kinds of issues myself. I can't wait to be able to give my opinions as a professional, and believe me, there'll be some opinions out there from yours truly once I've got a degree and a badge, just wait for it!
Apparently, sleep rape isn't as serious as assault rape because the victim is likely to have flirted with the perpetrator earlier in the evening. Sleep rapes are usually carried out by someone that knows the victim or that has gone to bed with the victim following a party. Does that make sleep rape okay? If you are woken up by your one night stand shoving his reproductive organ into you using nothing but force, are you supposed to accept it because you flirted with him earlier in the night? Because you slept with him before falling asleep? What if the offender is your boyfriend or husband, is it okay for them to rape you in your sleep because you love them, trust them, because you have a close relationship with them? NO.
Assault rape is what we recognise as being attacked by a stranger and dragged off into a bush. This is clearly serious cases and also the cases where the perpetrator are most likely to not even be found as a suspect because they are usually not known by the victim. Is it okay? No, and I think we all agree on that.
Now, what's more serious? Sleep rape or assault rape? My opinion is that the two can't be compared. In the case of a sleep rape, the victim can find themselves unable to trust other people afterwards because the assailant was someone they loved and trusted, impairing the victim of the ability to findsomeone they can trust and open up to in the same way again. If the perpetrator was a one night stand, trust issues towards unknown people still applies. In the case of an assault rape, the victim could find themselves frightened to leave the house at night if at all. The chance of physical injury might also be greater as the perpetrator has no relationship to the victim and could be less likely to care if they live or die.
By the way, would you say that being raped while asleep is not assault? Because I certainly would. It's forced intercourse, no matter how you look at it and it's assault either way.
What I'm trying to say is that there's no way to say which is more serious. The seriousness of the offence has to be seen from the victims eyes, The seriousness of the assault comes down to the greatness of the physical and psycological trauma to the victim, not the type of situation in which it was sustained. The seriousness of rape cases can not be labeled from the type of situation, because not everyone handles trauma in the same way. Some handle trauma well and are able to go back to their normal lives faster than others. Each rape case is unique and has to be seen as unique. There can't be any short cuts in dealing with rape cases.
To be perfectly honest, I can't wait to be done with my education so I can deal with these kinds of issues myself. I can't wait to be able to give my opinions as a professional, and believe me, there'll be some opinions out there from yours truly once I've got a degree and a badge, just wait for it!
Monday, 31 March 2014
UNICEF Tap Project
How long can you go without your phone? 10 minutes? Prove it and help save a life at the same time!
According to UNICEF, 768 million people lack access to safe, clean drinking water, 2.5 billion people live without proper sanitation and 1,400 children die every day from diseases linked directly to unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation.
Millions of children lack clean water. How long can you go without something far less vital... like your phone?
Together, UNICEF and clothing designer Giorgio Armani are running a website called UNICEF Tap Project. Visit the homepage (Google UNICEF Tap Project) in the browser of your phone and get started. For every 10 minutes you can go without your phone, 1 day of clean water will be donated to children in need.
.jpg)
I think we can all agree that people today, especially young people, spend far too much time on their phones. How often have you gone to pre drinks or a party or just to the pub or what ever and realised after a while that nobody's saying anything because you're all on your phone, tweeting, instagramming or updating your facebook status about what a great time you're having? We've all been there.
Lets be honest, do you really need your phone as much as you use it? No matter what your answer to that question is, I think it's safe to say that you don't need it as much as dying children need clean water. So try it out, if you can't go for more then 10 minutes, then at least you've helped donate 1 day of clean water to a child in need and, you never know, maybe it'll help you see that you're just a tad more attached to your phone than what's healthy for you?
According to UNICEF, 768 million people lack access to safe, clean drinking water, 2.5 billion people live without proper sanitation and 1,400 children die every day from diseases linked directly to unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation.
Millions of children lack clean water. How long can you go without something far less vital... like your phone?
Together, UNICEF and clothing designer Giorgio Armani are running a website called UNICEF Tap Project. Visit the homepage (Google UNICEF Tap Project) in the browser of your phone and get started. For every 10 minutes you can go without your phone, 1 day of clean water will be donated to children in need.
Lets be honest, do you really need your phone as much as you use it? No matter what your answer to that question is, I think it's safe to say that you don't need it as much as dying children need clean water. So try it out, if you can't go for more then 10 minutes, then at least you've helped donate 1 day of clean water to a child in need and, you never know, maybe it'll help you see that you're just a tad more attached to your phone than what's healthy for you?
Saturday, 29 March 2014
home sickness or not home sickness - that's the question!
Do I want to go home? Yes. Do I want to go home? No. I don't know, at the moment. Not that it really matters, I'm going home anyway, but I thought I'd write my thoughts down to figure out what I'm actually dealing with, since that was the original reason why I started the blog.
Going home - pros
Seeing my family. If there's anyone who's been following the blog for a while, you'll know that my mum came to visit in february to give me the heart medication prescribed by my GP back home, so it hasn't really been that long since I saw her, but I really miss my brother! We have a good relationship, by my opinion anyway, and I miss hanging out with him. Not that I don't miss my mum, obviously I do, but you get my point. I am quite sad my dad won't be home, though.
Going to Spain. I'm going to Playa del Ingles, Spain with my mum and brother and I can't wait! I think it'll do me good to have a whole week without anything to worry about exept which book to bring to the beach. I'm going to leave electronics and so on at home and just relax. Do nothing, just recharge my batteries and chill out with two of my favourite people. Don't worry though, I'll probably bring the tab2 to take pictures and post on the blog. Besides, I'm not posting every day anyway, so you're used to it, haha!
Work. I'll get to go to work again, which I actually look forward to! I can't wait to do night shifts and talk to people I haven't seen in three months. I'm looking forward to thepub being packed with people and feeling the stress of the beer taps running empty, trying to keep up with the line of people. I don't know what it is, but I love it.
Friends. I'm going to Oslo before going home. In Oslo I'll be staying with Kristine, the girl who came to visit a while ago. We're going to a concert with our favourite band and it'll be a great weekend. I'm looking forward to good food, some wine and discussing world problems like only we can.
Doctor's appointment. I have an appointment with my GP and I'm looking forward to being able to ask my doctor the questions I have about my heart condition and get the info I feel like I need to maybe get my drivers license back a bit early.
Free food. I'm not saying I'm completely broke, because I'm not, but being a responsible adult who pays for her own food and rent and everything is fucking expensive to put it mildly. I've always hear grown ups saying stuff like "god, not again, the price for cheese has got up 30p..." and I've always thought they've been over reacting, but to all you lucky bastards who still live like kings at home with your parents without a care in the world: growing up isn't as great as you think it is. Sure, you get loads of freedom and independence, but the more freedom you get, the more responsibilities you get, so don't think living away from home is a breeze!
My mum's aunt's necklace. I know this might be a silly reason, but my mum's aunt became a sort of proxy-nan for me and my brother when our last grandparent died almost 11 years ago and she ment the world to me. When she died as well, I inherited a necklace she used to wear and I forgot it at home when I want back to England after christmas and I really miss it. I guess you could say that this is proof that family is really, really important to me, but I don't see that as a bad thing.
Going home - cons
Dad's not home. I haven't seen my dad since I drove him to the boat on the 2nd of January and, being a daddy's girl, I really miss him. I've been trying to email him, but since the new boat he's on doesn't have a very good wifi set up and calling over the satelite phone is really expensive, I haven't talked to him for a while. I feel like I miss him more now that I'm not home, because when I lived with my parents I always saw him until he went away and were always home the day he came back, but it's not like taht anymore and 5 months can easily pass without me seeing my dad and that makes me sad.
All in all, I am looking forward to going home. I've been sat here for half an hour trying to think of more cons to going home, but I can't think of any. I have to say, the fact that I can't drive probably counts for 3, but I'm still looking forward to Norway, speaking Norwegian, eating Norwegian, seeing my family and going on holiday and all the other stuff.
I love when I do stuff like this and it turns out I don't really have that much to complain about. After all, there are a lot of people that have is a lot worse than me. I'm lucky, really.
Monday, 17 March 2014
next summer
Hi!
So, I've been thinking about something. This summer I obviously can't do that much since I can't drive. Sure, I could buy a plane ticket and get where I want to be at a fraction of the time, but there's something about driving for hours and hours, listening to loud music and singing at the top of my voice (if I'm alone that is) that just makes me feel free. I know that sounds like a load of hippie crap, but I don't care, I love it. Therefore, I've planned what I'm going to do next summer. When I finally get my beloved drivers license back, I'm going to work my ass off for a month or two so that I can actually pay for it, and then I'm borrowing my mums car and driving anywhere. I'll make a kick ass playlist with all the best songs and I won't book a single hotel room, I'm just going to drive. Maybe north, maybe south, who knows. Maybe I'll go to sweeden, maybe I won't, I haven't planned anything, and I'm not going to. I'm just going to get in the car and drive, all alone, to anywhere. I actually can't wait.
It will be absolutely glorious. I'll be done with first year BA forensic science, I'll be back in Norway, the sun will (hopefully) be shining and I can picture it already. The luxurious dark green Vauxhall Astra, my blue white and black dress, sun glasses and the playlist from heaven. It'll be amazing! I've actually got myself so worked up about this that I might just steal a car and go right now.
Right, enough about my futuristic lonesome roadtrip. What have I done today? Nothing. I've watched a season of Dexter, half the second Harry Potter film and eat my weight in skittles. Well, not really, I've had half a bag of skittles, but now my tummy hurts from all the skittles, so it feels like I've eat my weight in skittles, ya feel me? Haha. To be honest, I've been singing a lot. Both Haroon and Sharleen are at home in south London or Reading, and since they are the ones in the rooms next to mine, I can sing (almost) as loud as I like and I love that! Right now it's Avril Lavigne - When you're gone. I have this playlist on spotify with loads of crap that I used to listen to when I was younger, and Avril was a total favourite when I was 10-11!
I've been talking a bit with my brother lately. Last semester we didn't really talk much, but this semester has been different. He's the most fantastic little guy and I really miss him when I'm in England. However, I'm hoping that he'll be able to come visit me some time next semester, which would be great! Not sure if I'm more scared of him meeting my friends and realize that I'm the weird one in the gang or them meeting him and realizing that they socialize with the wrong sibling, though. Because he is really cool. He's too smart for anyone's good and he's quite cute. Guess he got the jack pot of the gene pool.
Now, time for bed! Lecture at 9AM tomorrow, police and police work! Should be fun.
Good night!
Friday, 14 March 2014
My best friend, cancer and my thoughts.
I don't know if it's my place to be writing this, since I'm not the one who's sick and I hope that everyone understands that I'm not writing this to gain any form of attention from her situation what so ever, I'm simply trying to vent. To let out some of the steam that's building up in my head, and to put my worst fears at the moment into words in the hope that by doing so, it'll be easier to handle. If you read this, Camilla, and there's something I get wrong, then please correct me. If you want me to take it down, I will.
Camilla and I went to school together for a year in 2010/2011. When we started our second year of common studies, she started a chef's line at another school so I obviously didn't see her that much. You'd think that in that situation, you would sort of drift apart and eventually stop speaking to each other. Well, I guess we sort of did for a while. We had contact on a regular basis, but more once a month that every day like we used to. Still, Camilla remained one of my best friends, one of the ones that I really felt like I could tell anything to. That's the communication we've had for the past three years. Some periods we've talked more than others, but no matter how long it was since we talked, we could always message each other if there was something we needed, or just wanted, to talk about, and the other one would be there.
When I decided to move to England, I'll admit that I half expected to lose contact with most, if not all, of my old friends and I am sorry to say that I though Camilla might be one of the ones that I would lose contact with, since we hadn't seen each other that much lately and we were having one of those periods where we didn't talk as much. However, when I moved, I realised that when everyone else was starting to grow tired of me only talking about England and my friends and activities over here, she was always ready to listen. We started skyping. Usually once a week, once every two weeks at the least and I am so grateful for those conversations. Camilla is one of those that when you're talking about issues you're having with people she doesn't even know, she will still listen and then try to contribute with her thoughts and opinions instead of saying things like "oh, that sucks" and "I don't know, really" and I love her so increadibly much for that.
When I was going back for christmas, I knew that she had been to see a gynecologist. She then messaged me while I was in Reading visiting Sharleen, saying that she had got the results back from the gynecologist, and they had informed her that she had cancer. a 9*8cm (roughly 3*3inches) tumor was blocking the left side of her uterus from the back. She was scheduled for surgery in Trondheim about 10 days later, as I recall it. The operation went well, they removed the tumor and a whole lot of other stuff that I can't remember what was at the moment and sent it for testing to see if it was benign or malignant. The test results came back and the tumor was malignant. Cancerous. Dangerous. Scary. Chemo therapy.
On monday this week she had a CT-scan. The gynecologist had found a new mass at 5*6 cm (roughly 2*2 inches) that he/she didn't know what was. It could be blood or other fluid from the operation or it could be another tumor, which would mean that the chemo wasn't working properly. The CT-scan showed that there were cancerous cells, but she was reassured that the chemo should kick it's ass.
On tuesday, she had her third round of chemo therapy and was half way through that hell (yay!). I talked to her for a while as she was getting the chemo therapy and she seemed to be in good spirit, since the chemo should remove the new cancer cells as well as the old ones.
However, today I got a message from her saying that Trondheim had called, saying they wanted her back up there as quickly as possible to do more tests because they were quite alarmed that there were new findings of cancerous cells. I can not begin to describe how scared that made me. Obviously, when talking about cancer, it can go either way, you either beat it or you don't. Now, Camilla is one of the strongest people I know and I know that she can handle just about anything, but even the strongest person in the world has their limit and that's what scares me. What if this is her limit? What are they going to find on the new scans and tests? Is my best friend going to be here next year? I don't know and not knowing scares the shit out of me.
I know that if I had chosen to go to uni in Norway, I wouldn't feel any better than I do now. I still wouldn't have been able to do anything for her, but at least I could be there, physically, once in a while, to hold her hand and talk and let her know that I was really there. Because I don't feel like I am. I mean, we talk almost every day and I try to talk to her about it, ask her how she's doing and what she's thinking to let her know that she can talk to me if she wants to and if she needs to. Also, she has said on her own blog that she want's people to call it what it is. Cancer. She want's people not to beat around the bush about it, because that won't make it any better. She has cancer and that's just how it is. So I try to do that when we talk about it. I try to take everything she has told me about it into concideration every time we talk about it to let her know that I care. That I remember what she told me last week and that I listen. I don't just hear, I listen. Because I think I would appretiate that if I was in her situation, but then again I don't know because I've never had cancer. But as I said, I'm trying as best as I can to show her that I'm here for her in every way and still I feel like I'm not.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm dead scared that she won't make it. I know I should be thinking positively and I shouldn't make up this scenario in my head where I need to buy plane tickets in all haste to go home and say goodbye to one of my bestest best friends in the whole wide world, but when someone who means that much to you has to face something as fucking awful as cancer at 19, you can't help it! I know I probably over react, that she probably will be fine. Still, I can't keep my head from spinning and I can't keep from crying when I think about it.
What makes this all so hard, for me that is, is that I'm so bloody far away. Every time she's told me that she has bad news, this tiny little voice has crept up in the back of my head saying "why the fuck did you move so far away?" and that voice keeps getting stronger. Don't get me wrong, I love that I took the step of moving to England all by my self and I would probably do it again, given the option, but as the situation is, I regret it just a tiny bit. I feel like there's nothing I can do. I know there's nothing I could have done anyway, but being so far away from it all certainly doesn't help.
There is no limit to what I would give for her to be healthy as a horse right this instant. I would sell my sole to the devil and all his demons for her to get well. I love this girl so unbelievably much because we have this friendship where no matter how long it's been since we last talked, we both know that nothing is wrong and that we can pick up where we left off without any awkwardness what so ever and I've never had that before.
Camilla and I went to school together for a year in 2010/2011. When we started our second year of common studies, she started a chef's line at another school so I obviously didn't see her that much. You'd think that in that situation, you would sort of drift apart and eventually stop speaking to each other. Well, I guess we sort of did for a while. We had contact on a regular basis, but more once a month that every day like we used to. Still, Camilla remained one of my best friends, one of the ones that I really felt like I could tell anything to. That's the communication we've had for the past three years. Some periods we've talked more than others, but no matter how long it was since we talked, we could always message each other if there was something we needed, or just wanted, to talk about, and the other one would be there.
When I decided to move to England, I'll admit that I half expected to lose contact with most, if not all, of my old friends and I am sorry to say that I though Camilla might be one of the ones that I would lose contact with, since we hadn't seen each other that much lately and we were having one of those periods where we didn't talk as much. However, when I moved, I realised that when everyone else was starting to grow tired of me only talking about England and my friends and activities over here, she was always ready to listen. We started skyping. Usually once a week, once every two weeks at the least and I am so grateful for those conversations. Camilla is one of those that when you're talking about issues you're having with people she doesn't even know, she will still listen and then try to contribute with her thoughts and opinions instead of saying things like "oh, that sucks" and "I don't know, really" and I love her so increadibly much for that.
When I was going back for christmas, I knew that she had been to see a gynecologist. She then messaged me while I was in Reading visiting Sharleen, saying that she had got the results back from the gynecologist, and they had informed her that she had cancer. a 9*8cm (roughly 3*3inches) tumor was blocking the left side of her uterus from the back. She was scheduled for surgery in Trondheim about 10 days later, as I recall it. The operation went well, they removed the tumor and a whole lot of other stuff that I can't remember what was at the moment and sent it for testing to see if it was benign or malignant. The test results came back and the tumor was malignant. Cancerous. Dangerous. Scary. Chemo therapy.
On monday this week she had a CT-scan. The gynecologist had found a new mass at 5*6 cm (roughly 2*2 inches) that he/she didn't know what was. It could be blood or other fluid from the operation or it could be another tumor, which would mean that the chemo wasn't working properly. The CT-scan showed that there were cancerous cells, but she was reassured that the chemo should kick it's ass.
On tuesday, she had her third round of chemo therapy and was half way through that hell (yay!). I talked to her for a while as she was getting the chemo therapy and she seemed to be in good spirit, since the chemo should remove the new cancer cells as well as the old ones.
However, today I got a message from her saying that Trondheim had called, saying they wanted her back up there as quickly as possible to do more tests because they were quite alarmed that there were new findings of cancerous cells. I can not begin to describe how scared that made me. Obviously, when talking about cancer, it can go either way, you either beat it or you don't. Now, Camilla is one of the strongest people I know and I know that she can handle just about anything, but even the strongest person in the world has their limit and that's what scares me. What if this is her limit? What are they going to find on the new scans and tests? Is my best friend going to be here next year? I don't know and not knowing scares the shit out of me.
I know that if I had chosen to go to uni in Norway, I wouldn't feel any better than I do now. I still wouldn't have been able to do anything for her, but at least I could be there, physically, once in a while, to hold her hand and talk and let her know that I was really there. Because I don't feel like I am. I mean, we talk almost every day and I try to talk to her about it, ask her how she's doing and what she's thinking to let her know that she can talk to me if she wants to and if she needs to. Also, she has said on her own blog that she want's people to call it what it is. Cancer. She want's people not to beat around the bush about it, because that won't make it any better. She has cancer and that's just how it is. So I try to do that when we talk about it. I try to take everything she has told me about it into concideration every time we talk about it to let her know that I care. That I remember what she told me last week and that I listen. I don't just hear, I listen. Because I think I would appretiate that if I was in her situation, but then again I don't know because I've never had cancer. But as I said, I'm trying as best as I can to show her that I'm here for her in every way and still I feel like I'm not.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm dead scared that she won't make it. I know I should be thinking positively and I shouldn't make up this scenario in my head where I need to buy plane tickets in all haste to go home and say goodbye to one of my bestest best friends in the whole wide world, but when someone who means that much to you has to face something as fucking awful as cancer at 19, you can't help it! I know I probably over react, that she probably will be fine. Still, I can't keep my head from spinning and I can't keep from crying when I think about it.
What makes this all so hard, for me that is, is that I'm so bloody far away. Every time she's told me that she has bad news, this tiny little voice has crept up in the back of my head saying "why the fuck did you move so far away?" and that voice keeps getting stronger. Don't get me wrong, I love that I took the step of moving to England all by my self and I would probably do it again, given the option, but as the situation is, I regret it just a tiny bit. I feel like there's nothing I can do. I know there's nothing I could have done anyway, but being so far away from it all certainly doesn't help.
There is no limit to what I would give for her to be healthy as a horse right this instant. I would sell my sole to the devil and all his demons for her to get well. I love this girl so unbelievably much because we have this friendship where no matter how long it's been since we last talked, we both know that nothing is wrong and that we can pick up where we left off without any awkwardness what so ever and I've never had that before.
I love you to the moon and back, babe. When I come home, we'll put sticker stars on our faces again and we'll have a laugh and take selfies like we used to.
If there is a God, then can you please do something? If you exist and you did put us all here, can you please let Camilla stay until we're old and grey and have 15 grandkids each and we're sitting in a nursing home comparing battle wounds? Can you please let this magnificent ray of sun shine stay on this earth to live a full life? Can you please make sure that she will be able to have children when this nightmare is over? Can you please just make my best friend well? I need her, don't take her away from me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)