I'm back!

I haven't forgot you. I know it seems like I have, but I haven't. I'm back bitches, and this is what I've been doing for the past 10 days!

SPAIN!

Playa del Ingles was absolutely amazing. The temperature was just perfect, it wasn't cold, but it wasn't so hot that we were half dying on the beach, secretly wanting to go back home. We had some days of less good weather, the day we arrived it was actually raining! However, I'm sort of glad it did because it gave us the chanse to walk around townand get to know the place a little before spending the rest of the week lying spread eagled on the beach. We also had a day where we could hardly see the sun for all the clouds, so that day I decided that sun cream was unnecessary. Do I need to mention that I was so sun burned that I didn't sleep much the following night? Probably not.

Yep. Sun burned, alright! Apart from the places where my sun glasses covered the skin, of course, making me look like a reversed panda.. Anyway! See the necklace I'm wearing? IT'S A DRAGON! I got it at a jewelry store in Playa del Ingles and his name is Norbert. He's a Norwegian Ridgeback and if that makes you think that I'm the biggest Harry Potter geek you've ever met, then that sounds about right.

We didn't actually do much, we didn't go on any excursions or anything, we just relaxed and recharged batteries, but that's really all I wanted to do, just get away from everything and not really need to think about anything at all. We ate a lot of good food, got tanned and read a lot. It really was all I wanted it to be. Happy with the way the trip turned out!

Outside the hotel, the day we left.

Since I came back, reality has given me a shock or two. I'm having some issues getting enough modules for next year, because I've already done three of them. However, if I don't do 8 modules next year, I won't get funding from Norway to study the year after and since I don't exactly have £10,500 to pay for tuition myself, that could be a problem. Worst case scenario, I'll have to take a gap year between next year and the year after to make enough money to pay for everything, and I am definitely not prepared to do that!

I've also kind of been let off from work. I haven't been fired, I haven't quit, but they simply don't have room for me anymore. I do understand it though, sales has quadrupled since september when we changed the consept of the restaurant and since I'm not home that much, my skills are a bit rusty. They have a team of people that work well together and that makes things run smoothly and I completely understand that that makes my boss reluctant to change things, since they are already running so smoothly. In other words, I'll get called in in an emergency when nobody else can work, but I can't rely on that for money until September, so I've started looking for something else to do. The plan is to apply at the store across the street, which is a food store like Sainsbury's and M&S, my boss where I've used to work knows  the guy who runs that store, so he'll give me a good reccomendation and I'll hopefully be able to work there! I'm also applying to a gas station in the next "town". They make fast food and stuff and I have a lot of experience in that area, so hopefully I'll get that as well and I can work my ass off all summer! I really do need the money because I think the money I get from Norway to cover tuition and rent and everything this autumn might be a little short, since the rent is more expensive and with bills and everything, I really need a buffer to fall back on in case it isn't enough. Grown up points? I think so.

Today, I'm taking on the role of telephone lady. I have a lot of stuff to work out and hopefully I'll get through them all today. The good thing is that since my brother is at school an my mum is at work, I have the house all to myself! Oh, and my dad comes home on the 30th! I haven't seen him since I drove him to the ship on the 2nd of January so I'm really looking forward to him coming home! I'll probably cling to him like a dog to its owner for a while, but I'm a daddy's girl, and I think he appretiates the fact that I like spending time with him when I have the chance, so that's alright.

Right, I think that's enough rambling from me in one go, don't you? Yeah, thought so.

What a weekend!

Some key words/sentences for this weekend:

• Missed my flight
• Had to have mum buy new tickets
• Strip searched in Stavanger
• Oslo with Kristine
• Consert
• Over weight suitcase
• Not over weight suitcase
• Home
• Sick

It has been an emotional rollercoaster of a weekend. It all started at Friday morning at 7.30am at Winchester Train Station where Liva and I realised our train were non existant. The next train due to leave for Clapham Junction where we would be able to change to Gatwick left so late that I would be at Gatwick at 10am. My flight left at 9.20am. You see the problem? Right. So what do you do?Call mum. Nothing is broken until dad can't fix it and no situation is classified as a crisis until mum can't make new arrangements. So I called mum, crying and panicking slightly. Have I mentioned that I HATE traveling without parent supervision? I hate it. I hate it more than spiders, more than tomatoes and cucumbers, more than not being able to drive. Combined. 

Anyway, I called mum. She was at work, obviously, but took the time to call the airline to change tickets. At this point, I was convinced that the concert me and Kristine were going to were that night at 8pm. Mum called me back and said there was one flight at 9pm that night and changing the tickets were roughly 1500 kroner (£150). Ignorant as I was, I told her that the concert were that night and asked if there were another flight available. There were, at 3pm, but changing the tickets were 4000 kroner (£400) and naturally way too expensive. I asked if she could be a hero and check if SAS had any flights that would be a better match. They did. At 12.05pm, 1100 kroner (£110), so she booked a ticket and said I had better get there in time. And so we went. We had new tickets to Reading from where I got a coach to Heathrow. By the way, the thought of leaving from Heathrow scared the crap out of me. It's huge, it's busy, I'd been there only once before, but I was determined to get to the concert in time. So off I went and I was at Heathrow at 10.30am. I had breakfast at, possibly, the most expensive restaurant I've ever been to in England, but the cheapest I could find at the airport and I waited for the information about what gate to leave from. 

Finally, I got the gate number and I headed in that direction. Got on the plane and fell asleep before it even took off. I then landed in Stavanger, where I met a Norwegian girl who goes to Winchester University and who I know a little bit. We talked for a bit until we'd gotten our luggage, she showed me where to book it in for my next flight and we went our separate ways. 

I checked in the luggage and headed for airport security. This is where it got really interesting. I had 1 hour from my flight from London landed until the flight to Oslo took off and I had forgotten that I had bought a can of Redbull at heathrow that was still in my bag. Naturally, I sent my hand luggage through security and was stopped. At this point I was tired, I was hungry, and I was more than a little bit cranky at the whole travelling thing. the conversation between myself and the airport security guy went something like this:

Him: I see you have a can of liquid in your bag?

Me: Uhm, no?

Him: Yes, you do. Shall we open the bag and have a look?

Me: Sure, go for it..
He opens the bag and finds the can of redbull

Him: What's this then?

Me: Oh, I don't know, a can of Redbull, maybe?

This was my big mistake. I can't remember the rest of the conversation, but I know I said some less than pleasant things and it all resulted in him getting a female security guard to do a strip search. I was brought into a tiny room and told to undress. I was now angry and upset and humiliated and stressed all at the same time. If this wasn't the ultimate test for my heart medication, I don't know what would be. Anyway, I undressed to my underwear and stopped there. "And then the rest," she said. I asked if this was really necessary, it wasn't as if Iwere carrying drugsor anything. She responded saying that if they were to believe everyone's story, they would never confiscate anything, which in hindsight is fair enough, but at the time it mademe even angrier. Mumbling curses and threaths, I undressed until naked. I think I'll spare you the rest of the details. 

Now, just to make things clear, I know it was my own fault. I know they were only doing their job and that they did definitely not deserve for me to be that uncooperative. 

Finished with what might have been in the top 10 list of embarrasing situations in my life, I got dressed, repacked my stuff and headed for the gate. I was the last one to board the plane, but I made it just in time. 

I finally got to Oslo. After having gotten my suitcase I decided to have something to eat, since I didn't have the time in Stavanger. I got two pizza slices and chocolate milk and I sat down in a corner and devoured my meal in less than five minutes. 

Refreshed, I got up, headed for the train station and got on the train. I got to Oslo Central Station and met Kristine, which was a huge relief. Not only was I reunited with one of my closest friends, I didn't was in safe hands where travelling was concerned. We got a bus ticket and headed for her flat. I went to bed at 8pm that night, exhausted but happy to have actually managed to reach my destination. 

Saturday! Of course, at some point during Friday, Kristine saw on Facebook that Oslo Ess wasn't playing at Rockefeller that night, but saturday night in stead. I think I were at Heathrow when she messaged me and I got the tickets out to check and she was right. I am glad she was, though. If I had known in Winchester, it would have cost mum £40 more and if the concert had been friday night I would have been way to tired to enjoy it. Anyway! Kristine showed me around Oslo before we headed to Eirik's flat to get him to go have dinner, before we went back to Kristine's flat to have pre drinks and a little unplanned photoshoot. The concert was absolutely amazing and I am so glad I made it in time! 

I was wearing my blue, white and black dress and we (read: Kristine) curled my hair.

I got my Oslo Ess-hoodie!!

Me, Kristine and Eirik (at the bottom right corner) before the concert! 

I don't have anypictures from the concert, unfortunately, I was way too busy singing, jumping, screaming, shoving, pushing and swearing to get my phone out. There are some people who seem to only go to concerts to make the experience as unbearable for the rest of us as possible, but that didn't ruin it for us, we still had a great time andour favourite band is really as good as ever, if not better! 

Sunday morning it was time to go home. Oslo Airport isn't as big an issue for me anymore, I've been there enough times to know my way around by now, but I had to get the bus from Kristines flat to the Central Station alone, because Kristine wasn't feeling all too good, hehe. However, it went fine, I got on the bus and I found my way at the station. I was even able to check in to my flight at the station, so when I got to the airport, all I had to do was to hand it in. 

Another problem arose. At the airport, they have those self service check in machines, and Norwegian only lets you take 20 kilograms on board. SAS let you take 22, so that was alright, but my suitcase was 27 kilograms and I had to take the heaviest stuff out of my suit case and put it in the hand luggage or pay 90 kroner (£9) per kilogram. I then had to open the suitcase in the middle of the airport and let everyone see everything I had in there, from underwear and socks to dresses and shoes. Naturally, I did my best to speed up the process and managed to get the weight down to 21 kilograms, but the machine just would not budge. I thought "you know what? I can spare 90 kroner." and headed for the lady behind the counter. She weighed my suitcase, put a red tag on it that said "heavy" and told me to have a pleasant flight. In other words, I probably could have put another one or two kilos of clothes and shoes in there and not been fined. Which was lovely, now I was dragging along half my suitcase in my already ruined blue bag and I could not wait for this nightmare of a trip to be over. I got to security, and what happens? The bloody thing beeped on me. I turned around and tried again and luckily, it was alright, because otherwise I think I would have broken down in tears. 

I found which gate to go to, found the gate and waited for boarding to start. Obviously, there were three or four of those obnoxiously annoying kids running around screaming and shouting, but at that point I was slightly apathic about the whole thing and decided not to give a crap. I got on the plane, sat down and closed my eyes. I was nearly there, just an hours flight left and I would see my mum and my brother and I could rest. Naturally, a guy came up and said "hey, you're in my seat." And naturally, since I have such a sweet disposition when I'm tired and annoyed, I replied "hey, no I'm not." Turned out I was. I really do need to work on my manners under certain circumstances.. 

Got in my seat, which of course was placed directly behind the obnoxiously annoying kids from before, and we finally had lift off. I fell asleep after the Fasten your seatbelt-sign had turned on again at the end of the flight and woke suddenly when the plane hit the ground, but I was there. I got my hand luggage, I got my suitcase and went to find my mum. 

Yesterday, I really didn't do much. I just hung out at home, watching Norwegian TV and eating free food (never take free food for granted, kids). 

Today I woke up, clogged. No, seriously, I can't breathe. I'm sick and I'm pretty sure it's due to that ridiculoussly cold bench me and Kristine were sitting at after the concert while waiting for Eirik. To be fair though, I had the best kebab of my life just half an hour later, so it's fine. 

Tomorrow I'm going to the doctors, to talk about what to do about my driverslicens and all that as well as getting some information about the medication I'm on, how long I have to take it and so on. I am definitely loking forward to that and I already have a whole list of questions for the good doctor who's been my GP since the GP service was initiated. It's a shame he's retiring, really. Anyway, I'm going to sleep, hoping that my cold will be better by tomorrow! 

Operation suitcase: packed

My suitcase is full (and probably way too heavy), my clothes for tomorrow are ready, I've got my passport in my bag, the reference number to check in to the flight on my phone and I've printed out the Oslo Ess-tickets. My makeup is ready, the alarm is set and all electrical equipment are being charged. I have all seven Harry Potter books downloaded to the Tab2, so the fligh will, well, fly. Hehe. The alarm is going off in 3,5 hours!

I'm coming home.

Or rather, I'm coming to Kristine's home, but whatevs.

I can't wait now. Kristine and I went to see Oslo Ess in desember of 2012 and it's one of the best experiences I've had. Can't wait to see them again, this time performing from their new album, which is freaking great by the way, and at Rockefeller as well! I've never been there, but I've heard it's a good live concert venue.

I have some great news from today that I want to share! My friend Camilla who has cancer has been told that the cancer markers in her blood has dropped to normal levels! She's going to a meeting with the doctors in Trondheim, but hopefully, she'll be alright!

I also got some good news for myself today. There was this one module last semester that I failed an assignment in and that causes you to fail the module. However, because I got a first in the other assignment in that module, I passed! I aslo went to pick up the weekly wiki hate crime blog thingy that we did for intro to crim 2 and I got 65%! Well happy with todays happenings!

Now I'm going to go to sleep and dream about the stuff I'm going to buy at the tax free shop tomorrow. Extremely excited to go to Norway now! I'll have wifi where ever I go, I won't have to speak english (which I'm probably going to miss because I like speaking English) and I won't be financially dependent anymore. Being in charge of your own economy is exhausting. Kids, trust me, moving out is great, it's fun, it's everything you've ever dreamed of and more. However, it's the "more" part that's annoying. That "more" part contains all the responsibility that you get when you move out, so if you learn anything from this post or this log or from me or whatevs, I'm hoping it'll be this: DO NOT TAKE LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS FOR GRANTED.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to move back home, I'd go crazy, but what I'm saying is that relying on your self for everything isn't easy. You'll miss home, I promise.

Right, I was going to bed, wasn't I? I was. Next time I blog, I'll be in Norway!!!

So many good things happening all at once!

I am actually in a right state at the moment. There are so many good things happening all at once, it's a bit overwhelming actually! I thought I'd list it all up for you, just to do my best to really explait the opportunity of rubbing my happiness in your faces.

• Camilla told me that the cancer markers in her blood has gone down!
• My last lecture of the year was on monday. No more lectures until september! That's like.. 6-7 months!
• I just finished the last essay due before easter!
• I've had confirmation that I am definitely changing course, starting BA Forensic Studies in September!
• The deposit on the house is payed.
• Plane tickets London - Oslo on friday and Oslo - Ålesund on sunday is sorted.
• Kristine and I have tickets to go see our favourite band, Oslo Ess, live at Rockefeller on friday night.
• I get to spend my weekend in Oslo with my favourite ginger in the whole wide world, with wine and girl talk and gossip and good food. Can't wait!
• Sunday, I finally get to go home and see my mum and brother! Haven't seen my brother since I left for England in January, so I really can't wait to see him again!
• I talked to one of my coworkers and there's a possibility that I'll be able to work during easter brake!
• on the 12th I'm going to Playa del Ingles with mum and lil bro' to relax and read and get tanned.

They say that life is like an arrow, that when you feel like you're being dragged backwards you just need to wait it out, because it's a sign that life's going to shoot you forward and that's really what's happening at the moment. I've been feeling lousy lately, being scared for Camilla, not knowing what's going to happen, not sleeping properly and so on. However, since getting the news that the cancer markers are reducing, and because I've finally finished the work load that was weighing me down, I really feel good. I feel 15 pounds lighter, like I can do anything. 

I don't know, maybe I'm just hopped up on spaghetti bolognese or something, but regardless of reason, I feel really great. 

Anyway! I've been trying to pack my suitcase the last few days, so all my clothes and makeup and hair products and, basically, the rest of my materialistic life, is spread out on the floor. My room looks like a tornado came in and took a shit before leaving again, which is lovely. Now I've got to clean up and hoover because later I'm meeting Liva at the pub, we're having one last pub dinner before going home, and then we're coming back to mine to have mini pre's before going back to the pub to drink and have a good time. 

Hope everyone's feeling just as good as I am today! :)

home sickness or not home sickness - that's the question!

Do I want to go home? Yes. Do I want to go home? No. I don't know, at the moment. Not that it really matters, I'm going home anyway, but I thought I'd write my thoughts down to figure out what I'm actually dealing with, since that was the original reason why I started the blog.

Going home - pros 

Seeing my family. If there's anyone who's been following the blog for a while, you'll know that my mum came to visit in february to give me the heart medication prescribed by my GP back home, so it hasn't really been that long since I saw her, but I really miss my brother! We have a good relationship, by my opinion anyway, and I miss hanging out with him. Not that I don't miss my mum, obviously I do, but you get my point. I am quite sad my dad won't be home, though.

Going to Spain. I'm going to Playa del Ingles, Spain with my mum and brother and I can't wait! I think it'll do me good to have a whole week without anything to worry about exept which book to bring to the beach. I'm going to leave electronics and so on at home and just relax. Do nothing, just recharge my batteries and chill out with two of my favourite people. Don't worry though, I'll probably bring the tab2 to take pictures and post on the blog. Besides, I'm not posting every day anyway, so you're used to it, haha! 

Work. I'll get to go to work again, which I actually look forward to! I can't wait to do night shifts and talk to people I haven't seen in three months. I'm looking forward to thepub being packed with people and feeling the stress of the beer taps running empty, trying to keep up with the line of people. I don't know what it is, but I love it.

Friends. I'm going to Oslo before going home. In Oslo I'll be staying with Kristine, the girl who came to visit a while ago. We're going to a concert with our favourite band and it'll be a great weekend. I'm looking forward to good food, some wine and discussing world problems like only we can. 

 

Doctor's appointment. I have an appointment with my GP and I'm looking forward to being able to ask my doctor the questions I have about my heart condition and get the info I feel like I need to maybe get my drivers license back a bit early.

Free food. I'm not saying I'm completely broke, because I'm not, but being a responsible adult who pays for her own food and rent and everything is fucking expensive to put it mildly. I've always hear grown ups saying stuff like "god, not again, the price for cheese has got up 30p..." and I've always thought they've been over reacting, but to all you lucky bastards who still live like kings at home with your parents without a care in the world: growing up isn't as great as you think it is. Sure, you get loads of freedom and independence, but the more freedom you get, the more responsibilities you get, so don't think living away from home is a breeze!

My mum's aunt's necklace. I know this might be a silly reason, but my mum's aunt became a sort of proxy-nan for me and my brother when our last grandparent died almost 11 years ago and she ment the world to me. When she died as well, I inherited a necklace she used to wear and I forgot it at home when I want back to England after christmas and I really miss it. I guess you could say that this is proof that family is really, really important to me, but I don't see that as a bad thing. 

Going home - cons

I can't drive. I won't elaborate too much on this point, since I know I keep nagging about this. However, I doubt anyone understands just how much driving means to me. I'm dreading the feeling of being stuck in that tiny little place, not even being able to get to work on my own.

Dad's not home. I haven't seen my dad since I drove him to the boat on the 2nd of January and, being a daddy's girl, I really miss him. I've been trying to email him, but since the new boat he's on doesn't have a very good wifi set up and calling over the satelite phone is really expensive, I haven't talked to him for a while. I feel like I miss him more now that I'm not home, because when I lived with my parents I always saw him until he went away and were always home the day he came back, but it's not like taht anymore and 5 months can easily pass without me seeing my dad and that makes me sad. 

All in all, I am looking forward to going home. I've been sat here for half an hour trying to think of more cons to going home, but I can't think of any. I have to say, the fact that I can't drive probably counts for 3, but I'm still looking forward to Norway, speaking Norwegian, eating Norwegian, seeing my family and going on holiday and all the other stuff. 

I love when I do stuff like this and it turns out I don't really have that much to complain about. After all, there are a lot of people that have is a lot worse than me. I'm lucky, really. 

Children having children

I've always wanted children. A little girl and a little boy would be perfect, but as long as they're healthy, that's of course what matters (don't panic, mum, I'm not pregnant). I have, however, always wanted my children to be born at the right time, as I'm sure most people want. But I've had different opinions of when the right time has been. When you plan these things, your future typically looks like this:

1. You've finished your education

2. You have a husband/wife

3. You have a home of your own

4. You have a stabile income to provide for your family

However, things doesn't always work out the way we want them to, as we all know, and since I became 15-16 up until now, I've thought a lot about the consept of children having children. Teen mums and dads trying to raise a child on their own, and I've had a lot of opinions on how I well I would manage if I did get pregnant at a young age.

At 15 years old, I thought having children was no problem. "I've babysat before, I could be a mum now," was the thoughts that went through my 15 year old mind. "I can do anything I set my mind to." It's a nice thought, but no, sweetie, you can't. I cannot begin to describe how glad I am that I didn't have a child at that point. The learning curve would have been so steep I would have cried myself to sleep and I would probably not even be a proper mum, as my parents would have had to do a whole lot of the work for me. 

I then turned 16. I had started on a new school and in less than a month from my birthday, I had a boyfriend. With becoming sexually active, came the pregnancy scares. We talked about it and tried to act adult about it, but as far as that went, I think he was the most adult of us. At the time I thought that he was being an irresponsible idiot for wanting to have an abortion if I became pregnant. I thought that "if you think you are old enough to have sex, you should be old enough to deal with the potential consequenses. Three years later I see how right he was. I was the irresponsible one. Keeping a child at that point would be unfair to the child. We wouldn't be able to take care of it on our own and we wouldn't be able to get the education we wanted becacuse of that. The scariest thing is that it would have been my choice, and if I had become pregnant, there's a possibility that I would have been stubborn enough to put him through the one thing he was dead scared of, just to prove to him that I was right, that we could do it. That thought has haunted me. Having a child out of misfortune and spite, instead of love. Of course, we would have loved that child, but the circumstances of how it came to be would have been dreadful. How could I think that at 16, we would handle becoming parents if we had to? 

I turned 17. About four months after my birthday, I became single. I grew up a lot that year and started to see things a bit more clearly. I understood a bit more of the burdens of having children. I still thought that I would have been able to handle it if I did become pregnant at this point. I mean, after all I was 17 years old. I saw that it wasn't easy, that it took a lot of work and money, money that I had no chance of getting hold of, but I still thought that I could have done it. I probably could have, but not in the way that I would have wanted to. 

I turned 18. Got my drivers license. I worked a lot and that was probably the point in my economical history where I would have been most likely to handle having a child. I would have had to keep living with my parents if I became pregnant at this point, but the thought of having children started to appeal to me on another level. The thought that someone would be completely dependant on me to survive and become a decent human being was endearing to me. However, there was something else that put a definite stopper to my positive thoughts. I wanted to move abroad to study. I had been single for about a year and had no plan changing that, since moving to England would mean meeting a lot of new people. And now that I had a definite plan about what I wanted to do for university, I knew that if I did get pregnant as the result of a one night stand or something, I would have to make the decision of having the pregnancy termintated. I had no issues with that, seeing as there were little to no chance that I would get pregnant. 

I moved to England and I turned 19. I'm now 19 and 5 months and I have 7 months left as a teenager. If I get pregnant now, I'll be 20 before the child is born, as long as it's not premature. But you know what? The thought that was so inviting a year ago, scares me to death at this point. The thought of someone, a small innocent child, being completely dependant on me to even survive is so frightening that there has been times lately that I have thought "do I really want to bring a child into this world someday?" Because it is a scary world. Between the government corruption, overpopulation, my own congenital heart defect that I don't know if is genetic or not, and the amount of complete and utter idiots that inhabit this world, I'm scared to put another human being onto the world and having to take care of it and take responsibility for it's actions until it turns 18 years old. I'm not sure if I want to put a child through the suffering it is to live in this world.

At some point, in 6-7 years, I will be ready, but not yet. The words do not exist that are strong enough to explain how extremely happy I am that I didn't get pregnant while my head was in the sand. If I had, I wouldn't have been where I am today. I would have been somewhere else, somewhere equally or more exciting and wonderful, but I wouldn't have the same oportunities. I would be able to watch a small, beautiful child of my own grow up to discover the world that I have come to fear just a little, but I wouldn't be able to do the same. I wouldn't be sat in my own room, in a flat that I pay for, writing this stuff to procrastinate to get out of doing an assignment that's actually quite interesting! I wouldn't be learning about how the world works from a criminological point of view and I wouldn't be able to go to class and learn about things that has fascinated me my whole life. I would be changing diapers, working a minimum wage job and living life day to day, not living abroad, doing what's going to give me the chance of getting a high end job, making me able to single handedly care for my future children. I think I'm better off as I am at the moment. 

Don't misunderstand me, I have nothing but respect for those that choose to go through with their pregnancies when they are teenagers and I think that if I would have had to, I would have embraced motherhood gladly and never looked back. I mean, since I've never had children, I don't actually know what I'm talking about, but I have a feeling that when I do have children, I will thank myself for doing it the way that I always planned. I think that when I have children and I get to experience all the things that comes with motherhood, I will thank everything that's holy that I didn't get pregnant as a teenager. I think it's brave to have children as a young adult, but these are my thoughts about my life, and I'm glad I haven't gone down that road yet, even though I'm sure I wouldn't have regret it if I had.

Just as a little side note at the end, if you've read through all this mess, first of all, I can't believe you could actually be bothered following my mess of a thought process all the way here. Second of all, I want to say that if you have read all of this, it's probably going to seem as if I do nothing but think about babies. I do. You do a lot of thinking from the age of 15 to 19, and I don't think about starting a family as much as I seem to, just so that it's been said.

Celebrating Hollies birthday!

I've spent most of today outdoors, which was really nice for a change. It's Hollie's 21st birthday today and me, Line, Liva and Amanda wanted to do something fun with her to celebrate. We took food, sweets, cake and soda and had an outdoors picnic!

Before leaving the flat where Line and Hollie lives, we decided that we should do a flower girl theme, so we all borrowed flowery head band thingy's from Hollie and I can safely say it's the first time I've ever walked around in public with anything that even remotely resembles purple flowers on my head. It was really fun though, and here are the pictures that I know you are all just dying to see! 

When we were leaving Queens Road.

Picnic! 

Line and me.

FLOWERPOWER!

Amanda and me! Ignore my face, don't know what I was trying to pull off...

Went to a cosy little pub to have a drink or two after the picnic, which is when this picture and a lot more like it, started being taken. 

My birthday present to Hollie was a home made card with this text in it:

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

You look like a monkey

and you smell like one too! 

I normally wouldn't write stuff like that in a birthday card, but Hollie has a great sense of humour, so I couldn't contain myself. I also gave her some piercings that I'm never going to use and that I thought would come in handy for her. They were obviously never worn and I cleaned them before putting them in zip lock bags, just felt like that should maybe be mentioned. 

Anyway. After I came home, I haven't really been up to much. I hand-knitted an infinity scarf, which was fun, and it actually turned out quite nice as well! I would post a picture, but I've gone to bed and it's way too cold to remove the covers now, so that will have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry, I know you're all dying to see what I get up to.. (by the way, I'm often quite sarcastic. Ignore comments like that). It's black, grey and dark blue and took about 45 minutes to make. I won't lie, as I was sitting there, watching the second series of House of Cards and knitting, I couldn't help but wonder if my nan would be proud if she could see me. She would knit 50 pairs of socks each year and were really good at it! I think a lot about family lately. Don't know why, but I do.

I feel like I've been calling home a lot lately as well. I do know the reason for that, though. I'm used to not seeing him that often, but I haven't seen my dad since the 2nd of January. Before that, he was home since just before chrismas, and before that I obviously hadn't seen him since I moved to England. Anyway. I think the reason why I'm calling home so often is that I know I won't see him for a long time still. When I get home for spring break in april, he's at sea. He comes home just after I go back here. I won't see him until late may/start of June. That's 6 months straight without my dad and I can easily say that's the longest I've ever gone without seeing him. It doesn't feel right at all. As I said, I'm used to not seeing him that much during a year, but 6 months straight without seeing my dad when we have as good a relationship as we do, is nothing but hard. Of course, it'll make seeing him in June that much better, and knowing myself, I'm probably going to be trailing him like a dog the first week, just because I miss him. But let's be honest, when a girl hasn't seen the superhero in her life for 6 months, is she not allowed to? I think she is. 

Just so it's been said, I'm not saying that I have it hard, not seeing my dad for 6 months. There's a lot of people who haven't even met one or even both of their parents, who have lost a parent or have a parent in the same situation as me. I'm nothing special, I'm lucky just to have two loving parents who's still together, who work well together, who takes good care of me and gives me whatever I need and want. However, it's still hard not seeing him for ages. The point I'm trying to make is that, no matter how great your life is, no matter how lucky and privileged you are, there's going to be things in your life that's hard, and it's okay to have hard times and you're allowed to miss your dad when you haven't seen him for 6 months, even though you are one of the luckiest children in the world.

Right, got that off my chest! I'm going to sleep now. I have a meeting with Student Services tomorrow and then I have a group meeting thing and then we have a lecture 12-1 and seminar groups 2-3. I think. Busy schedule, but I'm hoping I'll have the time to get some piano playing done in the middle of it all. Haven't played properly for ages and I really miss it! 

I'm probably going to have some trouble sleeping though, seeing as I just went up to 8G on my left earlobe and I have a healing conch piercing in the right ear. Might be a fun night!

Update: Woke up and realised that it wasn't the fact that I went up to 8G that made my ear hurt. It was the fact that I went too fast and managed to rip my earlobe.. Kids, don't rush when stretching!

My days with mum! And some other stuff.

I know I haven't been blogging this weekend, but I really feel like I have a good excuse! As I said last time I posted on here, my mum's been visiting this weekend. We've had a lot of fun and I thought I'd tell you a bit about it!

Yesterday I met her at the trainstation at about 11. We went back to my flat, where I showed here around for a bit and then we went to County Arms to have lunch! That's just one great thing about having parents visit, you don't have to pay for food! I mean, the best part of her visiting is obviously that I get to see my mum and have her all to myself for a couple of days just to talk and catch up on everything that's been going on here and at home, but free food is definitely a great perk!

Anyway.. I showed her around basically everywhere. Campus, the neighborhood I'm moving to before 2nd year, city center and everything in between. It was nice telling stories and showing her a bit of "my world" (as cheesy as it sounds). We had dinner in town and then we went back to my flat where we just talked about everything that's been going on both here and at home to catch each other up on everything that's been going on since I went back to England a month ago.

Today, we did basically the same thing. Went to town, did some more shopping and then we went to see the Winchester Cathedral. I've never been inside before and I regret that! It's really beautiful and it's so rich in local and not-so-local history! Hoping to go back, preferrably with a camera, to check it out again!

When we came back from the cathedral, we sat in my room talking for a few hours before I was going to walk her to the B&B where she's staying. When we were almost there, we met about half of my friends and decided to go to the pub with them! It was a bit awkward but a lot of fun and I got to show my mum that I have friends, haha! She also got to meet some of the "originals" of Winchester, which I hope didn't scare her too much! Hopefully, she's had a good time here, even though the reason for her coming over weren't all that great.

My mum! :D

We ordered chocolate cake for dessert after dinner today 

and it was every bit as delicious as it looks! 

This is from yesterday! Cocoa and coffee at Costa in town :)

Over to something else, then! I just finished todays part of the 30 day challenge. Obviously, since I'm supposed to rest every four days, I didn't have a work out yesterday, but todays was a pain. The cardio and push ups are still fine, but the abs are getting harder to do and the squat challenge is a real pain! However, I can already feel a change in the muscles in my legs and (I might be imagining it) I think it's a bit easier to walk up the hill from campus to my flat, which is definitely a motivation! The progression in the programs are hard, but hopefully I'll be able to see it through! 

This was todays programme:

Cardio

60 high knees

40 climbers

Abs

30 sit ups

12 crunches

12 leg lifters

20 sec plank

Squats

70

Push ups

5

I was expecting to feel a difference when doing the work out programme now that I'm on beta blockers, but I didn't notice anything. I'm quite glad I didn't, because if they made it harder to work out, I would have to will my self that much more to do it.. Anyway, thought I'd try to explain how beta blockers work (as far as I've understoof). Since I'm going to be on them for a while, they'll probably be mentioned on here sometimes.

The hypothalamus in the brain sends signals to the thyroid to produce hormones. The hormones then gets released into your blood flow and attach themselves to receptors where they cause reactions. The beta-blockers take the hormones place on the receptors around the heart so that the hormones can't create a reaction. This way, since my condition is stress triggered, the hormones cause signs of stress in the rest of my body butu because the hormone receptors around the heart are unavailable, the heart won't react to the stress. Somewhere in there are also the explanation to why the beta blockers slow down the heart rythm, but I haven't quite figured out that bit yet, I just know how they stop the heart from speeding up due to stress, so I'll get back to you on that one. Anyway. I think the reason why I can't drink too much on these pills are because the heart rate isn't at it's normal speed. Since the heart isn't beating as fast as it usually does, the blood flow is slower and the cells get's less oxygen thereby slowing down metabolism. Since the uptake of alcohol in the digestive system is the same, I'll get drunk as fast but I'll get sober slower. Therefore, if I drink as much and at the same speed that I used to, I'll get drunker faster. However, I don't know if the beta blockers can cause me to have some sort of reaction if I drink too much, so I'm not planning on pushing the limits where my drinking is concerned. 

I guess there were some use in taking biology after all, haha! 

Before going to bed, I want to say one more thing. Today, actually for 56 whole minutes this far, it's my best friends birthday! She turns 20 and are now allowed to buy alcohol above 22% in Norway! So, happy birthday to the most awesome girl in the world, I love and miss you like crazy! 

She's coming to visit in just over a week, so I have a feeling her picture will be on here sooner or later, but here she is anyway, the birthday girl! 

I love you, hope you have a fantastic day! <3

My mum is in England!

Tomorrow (technically today) at 11.05 my mum is going to be at Winchester train station! I haven't thought about how much I miss my family, since it's only been four weeks and I know I won't get to see them for another 8, but now that there's only 8 hours left until I get to spend an entire weekend with my mum, I'm buzzing with excitement! I'm not too happy about the fact that she wouldn't be coming if it wasn't for the fact that you're not allowed to send medication in the mail, but I'll take what I can get.

I can't wait to show her around in Winchester. Last time we were here together was the first time I had ever been here, and to think that we walked past so many places that day that I have come to love so much is nothing but surreal. Like when we walked down the high street, past all the shops and pubs that I've spent so much time in since I moved here! Or the fact that we had dinner at County Arms, not knowing how many hours I would spend there, starting just a few months later! I'm really looking forward to going to all of those places again and being able to tell her stories and show her what my life is like here. I'm also hoping she'll be able to meet all my friends so that she can see that I'm doing okay, that I have people around me that love me and that I love. Not that she thinks I'm a loner, but introducing her to all the great people I've met here will be really fun!

My mum! 

Today I haven't really been up to much. I had a lecture at 3pm so I got to sleep late and then I went home to change, because I had a date! But then it turned out that someone had jumped in front of a train so all the trains were cancelled, so we had to reschedule. Not that that's the saddest thing about that whole situation, I mean, someone took their own life just a few minutes walk from where I live, but there's nothing I can do about it, so I wasn't planning on thinking too much about that, however harsh that might seem.

Right now I've just finished doing the last bit of cleaning before tomorrow. My mum is coming by the flat, so I thought it might be nice if she didn't have to think that her daughter lives in a pig sty! Anyway. Before cleaning, I did todays part of the 30 day challenge. I think it's going well, but I'm definitely a bit sore from yesterday! Weirdly, tho, I'm not sore where I thought I would be. My arms, abs and legs are fine, but my back is killing me! However, that means that I'm strenghtening the muscles in my back, so I'm not too worried about that.

Todays set looked like this:

Cardio
20 high knees
60 climbers
Abs
25 sit ups
10 crunches
10 leg raises
15 sec plank
Squats
60
Push ups
5

The squats were really hard today. As I said, my back is really sore from yesterday already so I'm really glad I have tomorrow off! The push ups weren't too bad, but I expect that will change in a while. The abs work out are definitely getting worse, tho. Leg raises has never been my favourite exersise, and I really felt the 10 I had to do today, but I'm trying to think positive and came to the conclusion that even though they feel horrible now, and even though they probably will throughout this whole challenge, at least I'm doing them and at least I'm giving it my best!

Right, it's half four and I'm still wide awake. Getting up at 10, so I guess I should go to bed!

I guess introductions are in order!

Hey!

My name is Hanne Grethe, but everyone in England calls me Hannah. I'm 19 years old and I'm from a ridiculously small place on the west coast of Norway, called Søvik. It's a beautiful place with 650 inhabitants, two shops and nothing to do.

Look how cute! Love this place!

Anyway, I've lived in England since september last year. I study BA Criminology at Uni of Winchester and I love it! The course is interesting, the people are fantastic and drinking is practically free in comparison to Norway.

The reason why I started this blog is to keep some pressure on myself. Now, I'm not saying this is going to be a fitness blog, but the idea is that if I actually do get some people to follow this blog, I'll feel the pressure to keep going. I'm turning my life around.

I've been diagnosed with stress triggered irregular heart beat. If I'm under a lot of pressure over a longer period of time, I'll eventually have a "seizure", in lack of a better word. What happens is that I get an irregular heart beat, my blood pressure drops and I faint. I always wake up in a matter of 6-7 seconds, but it's still annoying and it scares the shit out of my friends. This has been going on for some time. However, what's finally pushed me over the edge of actually doing something about it is that the heart specialist I went to see to have tests done when I was back in Norway over christmas, has decided that because I have incidents where I faint, it's no longer safe for me to be driving and they're revoking my drivers license. I'll get it back if I don't pass out for a year, but that will take some work on my part as well as sticking to medication prescribed by my GP in Norway.

Of course, having my license revoked isn't the end of the world. I'm in England half the year and I obviously don't drive here, because these maniacs drive on the wrong side of the road and I'm having enough problems as it is, not getting hit by cars, I don't need to be driving as well. The issue is that since I live in a rural area in Norway, I'm pretty much stuck there if I can't drive. I also work as a chef and bartender and I'm going to have to give up most of my night shifts because I don't want to ask my parents to come pick me up at four in the morning twice each weekend. I love working nights, so that's going to take some getting used to, but I'll manage. Of course, I'll probably save a lot of money not being able to drive, since I wont have the added expence of gas and stuff like that, so that's good, but I still love driving and I'm going to miss it like crazy..

I'm going to stop ranting now. Basically, what this blog is going to be about is my everyday life as a Norwegian student in Winchester who's trying to turn her life around.

This is me, by the way! :)

-Hannah